I am over half way through my life and every year I wonder what is it I am leaving behind that showcases who I was while alive. Apart from the love of family and friends what else endures I wonder. The clients that I aid who move on - as they should - who maybe think of my help every now and again; the articles that I write but never know if they are read! the poems I write lost amongst the hundreds of others in the books published.
I have a purpose - everyone has a purpose - why else are we here? But as I age and see success take hold of people I have to wonder if my successes are to remain small and localised, if I am but a small tree lost in the large forest. Am I suppose to become accepting of that? Am I now and will I always be a tiny clog in this wheel of life, never meant to soar, just a worker bee getting on with daily activities until I die.
I don't know the answers and lately I feel more isolated from my inner source of knowledge and beliefs than I have for along time. I feel that I have been going in circles chasing my own tail. Fun for some to witness but not for the one searching for answers.
So my solution is my normal, to keep going, to keep searching and to hope that one day soon I finally understand my 'why' and my 'how' and that I come to a point of peace around who I am and what my role is.
So I am shaking of my doldrums and hoping that tomorrow brings forth what I need.....