to once again establish a do-able placing myself back in my life
list. It is really easy for me to become unfocused on what I have
committed too change about my self or my routine. I am like that
child who would rather follow the bunny and see where it is going
than finish my homework.
Like many people every year I create a list of things ( my list tends to be
the same yearly) and even though I have learnt tools to keep me on
track I still manage to find myself in another month of failing to start or to finish
a project because I have allowed myself to drift into doing other things often for other
Now on one hand I am aware of my propensity to self sabotage and I do
catch myself at times and do try to regain focus and passion. but I find it
way to easy to just allow myself to drift.
I think that is one of my issues at this time in my life, finding passion that engages my focus and
gives me the drive I equate with being successful.
My life has a very even flow to it and I do not currently have the highs and lows of my younger
years, and I also do not have a great supply of surplus energy anymore. I have changed and I don't
believe that I have intellectually taken time to embrace and understand this new dynamic and how I
need to progress forward successfully with it. How I have tackled some things in the past is no longer
working for me in my NOW.
Now that I actually have vocalized (or written) this realization down, I know that I can create new
methods and then explore to see what fits. To me this is exciting because I am always ready
to look at myself and to revamp - maybe not always with the results I think I should get - but I am
of the mindset that I will get the result even if it takes me 100 times of trying!
For me writing is cathartic, the act of putting my thoughts and emotions down and then reading then
gives me two basic things
1. It allows me to find clarity and aides me in creating a direction
2. Allows me to healthily vent my feelings and insecurities and release them
physically from being stored in my body
Now back to having passion. I do not know if as I age and possibly mellow
that thinking I need to be totally engaged in a idea or project is actually how I
can judge becoming involved. In fact I think for me the opposite might be more
effective; I think maybe being objective might work way better for me and even
dispassionate. I keep waiting for my emotions to be engaged like they did in my 20's and 30's
but I am sitting squarely in my 50's and I truly do not respond to myself or my life in
the same manner, so thinking about treating things I wish to explore with
some distance and letting go of expectations might just be what I need to do.
It will be interesting to see how this outcomes for me and I will certainly keep writing about it
down the road that I am walking on.
Have a fabulous Easter one and all
Be loving and kind to yourself and then allow that love and kindness flow to everyone else.